Pass it On

Last week I opened up my fridge and a jar of jam fell out and landed not so gently on my foot. The first word out of my mouth was "CRAP." Now, for those who know me well, that is actually a very tame version of what I would normally say. I'm not sure what happened, but the salty language just didn't come. Sorry, I know some of you are disappointed.

But, the word apparently didn't sit well with the eight-year-old in our house who pulled me aside after the jumping around on one foot subsided and rebuked me ever so gently with these words . . . "Mom, did you know that we will be just like you when we grow up? If you don't want us talking like that, then you shouldn't either." Yikes . . . out of the mouth of not so tiny babes. Where did this child come from?

Actually I wouldn't have a problem with my children saying "CRAP" when a jar of jam fell on their big toe. I wouldn't have a problem with any other words they said in that moment either. It hurts to have a jam jar land on your foot. But as I've thought about this incident, I realized that I am passing on to my children some things that I really don't want them to have to carry the rest of their lives.

Yesterday Caleb came home really sad. He's my uber talented child who in 5th grade is doing math that my college students are struggling with and discusses books in ways that makes his College English teacher mother really proud. He's also a great athlete and wonderful friend. He has a kind, sensitive heart and when I see him with his peers I just have to smile.

So why was this boy sad? Because he came in 4th in the mile, instead of 3rd like he wanted. This disappointment followed a standardized math test where he only scored 4 points higher than in the winter. I actually didn't think he could go any higher. I mean, if you are doing high school and college math in 5th grade is there much more room to go?

As I listened to Caleb talk I realized that he has taken on most of his mother's perfectionism and desire to be the best. It was so sad for me to the see the weight of this on an 11-year-old boy. I wondered how he got this way and I realized that he learned it from me. Not just from watching me, but also from all the praise that he has received for his talents. He is a talented kid, but it occured to me that he also needs to be affirmed just for being . . . not only for doing.

And so as I listened and talked to Caleb I affirmed that I loved him so much for talking with me. I heard myself saying that I loved him for just how he did on those tests he took today. And that there was nothing that he could do that make me love him more nor anything he could do that would make me love him less. I told him that I struggled with some of those same feelings about wanting to be the best and that I was learning more and more to trust in what God has said is true about me.

I have a long way to go in learning how to parent my children's new natures, but I also know that everything that is in me wants to pass on a full measure of grace to my children. I long for them to be secure in their identity in Christ. I want them to know that when they fail, God still is incredibly in love with them. And that God will always stand beside them as they face their sin issues.