Cold Water

It's not nearly so easy to be faithful to writing in this blog now that I'm not on the computer every day. I'm really enjoying my time off -- maybe a bit too much. All those projects that I've sworn I would do once I was done with school are just simply not getting done. Instead I'm volunteering at the kids' school, going to soccer practice, reading books, hanging out with friends, cooking and training. I still don't seem to have a huge interest in getting the housework done!

This week, for the first time ever, I swam five times! I am really concerned about that ocean swim in Hawaii, so I'm going to spend a lot of time in the pool/lake between now and then. I can already tell that I'm swimming better now that I'm swimming on a regular basis. I can't promise five times a week for the next 16 weeks, but I do think I can get wet more often than I had in the past.

Today I had a wonderful day with Marcia and Amy. We went down to Gear West to get Marcia a wetsuit -- of course I had to pick up a few thing too :-) On the way home we stopped at Warner Lake and did our first open water swim of the season. Brrr. The first five minutes were "take your breath away" cold. After awhile I found my grove and actually enjoyed it. It is still strange to hear the words "I", "enjoy" and "open water swims" coming out of my mouth.

Tomorrow is my first race of the season -- the Apple Du. I'm not very excited about it. It's supposed to be cold, wet, and windy -- sounds like IM Wisconsin 06 to me. I'm not a big fan of duathalons anyway and being cold during one just doesn't really appeal to me. Oh, well -- it will be a way to get a good training day in and ensure that I actually do train tomorrow.

Ordinary Days

School is done (for me), and I am quickly adjusting to the calm after the storm. It has been so very nice to have a little extra time to just do what I want. I've been running at such a high speed for so long -- I can't believe how good it feels to wake up in the morning and to know that I don't HAVE to be anywhere. Of course this will get old after a while, but it feels great right now.

Training is going great. Yesterday I broke a huge barrier for me in the swim as I swam a 500 yard TT in 9:55. My previous best at this distance was 10:25. So, despite the fact that I don't feel faster, I guess I am getting there little by little. I still think about that ocean swim at least once a day, but I think that I will be able to get in the training that I need to feel confident about it by the time October 13 rolls around.

I had the wonderful opportunty to see an old friend yesterday, Jenny. She is one of those people who make you want to be a better person just by being in their presence. She has such a gentle spirit and leads in such an amazing way. I've really missed her the past four years. She and her husband took in the twins after Jonathan was diagnosed with leukemia. I think she took care of them for almost four months. She is also the one who encouraged me to pursue a friendship with Marcia when I was feeling so lonely after moving back to St. Cloud. Her awareness of the fact that Marcia and I were perfect for each is an incredible example of the person that she is. I miss Jenny alot -- but she didn't leave me alone when she moved. She walked with me through some very difficult days and by the time she left I had an amazing support network of friends. She is one of my heros.

Jonathan had one of his regular follow-up visits last Friday -- still cancer free and in excellent health. He had an echo on his heart, which looked great. I finally got up the nerve to ask when they will use the "c-word" (cure) with him. The doctor told me that they don't consider kids cured until they are five years off treatment -- so we have three more to go. But she also gave me a great deal of hope by saying that with the treatments these days, kids who don't relapse on therapy have an excellent chance of never relapsing. I felt really light and free after leaving Children's last Friday. He doesn't have to go back for another SIX MONTHS!

Mother's day was great. We spent the day at my parent's house and the kids were wonderful. I'm so blessed to be their mom. They've put up with a lot from me while I've gone back to school. I'm really proud of how mature they are becoming. All parents say this, but I have to say that my kids are amazing.

I went running with the boys last night. Andrew rode his bike and Caleb and Jonathan ran "with" me. Well, actually they ran in front of me. I thought that this would be a good night to take them as I'm in a rest week and I was supposed to run really slow. I learned last night that I need to take them on speed workouts instead. They would run way ahead of me and turn around and wait. Then I overheard Caleb say to Andrew, "Look! I can even run faster than mom when I"m running backwards." HaHa Caleb! Anyway, it was really fun to share my love for running with them. Caleb told me that he wants to do this three times a week. Again -- I am so incredibly blessed.

That's all for now.

Ok, so now hills are my friend, too?

I think I know where this is leading. One of these days I'm going to write about challenges and how they make us stronger, or something like that. But for today I'll stick with the simple truth that I am finding enjoyment with running hills. It's kind of like the wind that I talked about a few days ago. It simply amazes me how different my approach to training is this time around. I'm embracing the difficult workouts like never before. Today during Master's swim I thought that I was not going to make it -- and to my great surprise, not only did I make it through a set, but I was able to keep going. I, in fact, DID NOT DIE.

I'm enjoying training more than I ever have before. I don't know if it is the fact that I'm going to Kona or if my thyroid levels really have been low for the past two years (I just started thyroid replacement meds) or if the month that I took off during April really helped or if I finally have some athletic base to build on. I only know that I haven't felt this good for this long in a very long time.

Today's workouts -- a 53 minute bike ride with 10x10 sec sprints and a few big hills thrown in for good measure. This was followed immediately by a 2200 yard Master's swim workout.

And now I'm off to give a final. I'll be grading like a fool for the next 24 hours to get grades in on time.

91 Steps of a typical IM Trip

I found this on the net. It was orginally 99, but when I renumbered it, I only came up with 91 and I'm not doing it again. There are limits to what I will do!

No, I don't know who wrote it, but I could have. I did many of these things, but I'm not telling which ones. Anyway, it really made me laugh. Sometimes I know that I am crazy.

1. Arrive in town.
2. Find over-priced accommodations you are staying a minimum of four nights at
3. Unpack bicycle, spread gear around room randomly.
4. Attempt to reassemble bicycle, realize you forgot to mark your seat and handlebar position before disassembly. Guess position and tell yourself it won’t make a big difference.
5. Drive bike course at slow speeds while making wrong turns. Annoy locals.
6. Find swim venue. Put wetsuit on, stand around for 15 minutes. Swim 10 minutes, take wetsuit off. Look around to see if you impressed anyone.
7. Walk around expo looking for free stuff.
8. Go to registration tent, stand in line, get bag, check bag for goodies.
9. Go back to hotel, arrange energy products into different piles. Stare at piles.
10. Spend 2 hours preparing for bike ride with race wheels and drink systems. Go for 30 minute ride. Go back to hotel.
11. Decide that this would be a great opportunity to learn how to rebuild your rear hub to fix the play in it. Disassemble hub.
12. Drive to house where your club mate, the bicycle mechanic, is staying. Show him the pieces of your rear wheel. Beg for help.
13. Go to swim start Friday morning. Look for tell-tale wrist-bands on other competitors; look condescendingly at all those swimming who aren’t participating in the race.
14. Go back to hotel, spend 4 hours attaching numbers to your bicycle, helmet, and race outfit. Panic that you don’t have 8 pieces of reflective tape for your run outfit, even though IMNA has never been known to enforce the rule.
15. Drive down to expo at the last minute, stand in line, pay $10 for a strip of reflective tape.
16. Drive back to hotel, place energy products into various bags.
17. Pack transition bags.
18. Unpack transition bags.
19. Repack transition bags.
20. Drive to Carbo-dinner. Stand in line, proceed through buffet with poor food selection, sit at crowded table, remember you paid an extra $20 each so your family could enjoy this food. 21. 21. Listen to IMNA personnel tell same jokes as last year. Realize that Dave Scott has apparently discovered the fountain of youth. Stand in line to leave.
22. Prep bike to drop off on Saturday, discover your tire has a slow leak. Drive to expo, stand in line, pay $80 for tubular tire. Get back to hotel, realize you don’t know how to glue on a tubular, drive back to expo and have them do it for you.
23. Drop bike off, spend time covering bike with various plastic bags because everyone else is doing it.
24. Drop off your transition bags, realize you forgot your salt tablets, drive back to hotel to get them.
25. Drive back to hotel again, arrange race gear for tomorrow morning.
26. Pack special needs bags.
27. Unpack special needs bags.
28. Repack special needs bags.
29. Realize there is nothing more you can do to get ready. Sit down and relax.
30.Panic.
31. Eat early dinner
32. Go to bed, lie there in a cold sweat.
33. Wake up at 2:00 am for 1000 calorie bottle of nasty-tasting concoction, “because Gordo does it”.
34. Lie awake listening to horrible weather move into town.
35. Wake up at 4:00 am, listen to spouse complain.
36. Get in car, drive to start. Stand in line to enter the transition area.
37. Check transition bags.
38. Stand in line to get body marked.
39. Check bike, stand in line to get tires pumped up.
40. Stand in line for porta-john.
41. Realize you left your water bottles with special nutrition needs in the fridge at the hotel. 42. Drive back madly to get them.
42. Get back to start, wait in line for parking spot.
43. Stand in line for porta-john.
44. Get wetsuit on, stand in line to enter swim area.
45. Realize it’s too late for a warm up. Stand in line to enter water.
46. Stand in water with 2000 other people while sun comes up and national anthem is sung by local high school girl. Realize that few moments of your life have been this beautiful.
47. Gun goes off, 2000 people attempt to swim on top of you, realize that you are in mortal danger or drowning and few moments of your life have been this dangerous.
48. Get kicked in face, goggles come off, panic and tread water trying to get them back on while people hit you. Remember you paid good money to do this.
49. Exit swim, stand in line to get into transition.
50. Stand in line to get out of change tent. Get bike, stand in line to get out of transition.
51. Start bike, realize that there is no way 1000 people can pack onto a course within 20 minutes without massive drafting problems. Hope that poor bike handlers don’t crash in front of you.
52. Ride bike.
53. Panic that you’ve already fallen off your nutrition plan that your coach gave you.
54. Make up for lost calories and fluids in the next 15 minutes. Feel ill.
55. Ride bike.
56. Get saddle-sore.
57. Ride bike
58. Decide to piss while riding to save time.
59. Spend the next 30 minutes soft-pedaling, coasting, and practicing mental imagery trying to relax enough to let it go.
60. Give up, get off at aid station and spend 30 seconds in porta-john, get back on bike.
61. Ride bike, feel queasy and bloated, take 3 salt tablets at once to make sure you’re not low on electrolytes. Throw up.
52. Get off bike, sit in change tent wondering why you are doing this. Listen in disbelief to volunteer telling you you’re almost done. Proceed to marathon course.
53. Realize that you should have practiced the 1000 calorie drink at 2:00 am before race day.
54. Throw up, walk, jog, repeat for 26 miles.
55. Start gagging at the thought of another energy gel.
56. Sample the variety of food at aid stations. Discover Oreos, the food of the Gods.
57. Invent the form of locomotion called the ‘ironman shuffle’. Feel proud that your 12 minute mile is technically not walking.
58. Pass your spouse. Make them swear to never let you do another one of these.
59. See finishing chute. Sprint madly down the road high-fiving people and cheering while announcer screams your name. Realize it was all worth it.
60. Get to finishing chute, wait in line while a man takes his extended family over it with him.
61. Cross line, collapse into arms of patient voluneteers.
62. Spend next two hours in med tent realizing that you should have drunk more fluids when it got hot.
63. Go to massage tent, eat cold pizza and wander around in a daze while wearing an aluminum foil blanket.
64. Stick around finish line until midnight to share in “the ironman spirit”. Beat off 12-year-old to grab free socks thrown into crowd.
65. Look in disbelief at fresh and bouncy professional athletes dancing at the finish line.
66. Cheer last few athletes into the finish before midnight. Ask your spouse if you looked that bad. Be amazed that they spent 17 hours out there moving the whole time.
67. Go back to hotel, collapse in bed.
68. Wake up, go to bathroom, collapse back into bed. Repeat all night until the 6 IV’s the med tent gave you are through your system.
69. Wake up at 4:00 because your legs hurt so much.
70. Eat first breakfast.
71. Sit around until spouse wakes up, eat second breakfast.
72. Shuffle around town Monday morning wearing finishers T-shirt and medal. Smile knowingly at other fellow shufflers. Graciously accept congratulations from locals thankful you came to their town to spend money.
73. Eat third breakfast at all you can eat buffet.
74. Go to Official Finishers merchandise tent. Stand in line. Pick out $200 worth of clothing with prominent logos on it. Stand in line, pay $600 for clothes. Contemplate getting a tattoo to immortalize your achievement.
75. Fall prey to peer-pressure and marketing techniques. Cough up $450 to sign up for the race next year - since it will sell out today, and this is your only chance to sign up!
76. Proceed to IM Hawaii role-down. Hold out hope that, even though you finished 80th in your age-group, this will be the year everyone leaves early and you get the last spot.
77. Eat first lunch.
78. Go back to hotel, stare at the disgusting, sticky, smelly mess that is your bicycle and race clothes. Start packing things up to fly home
79. Eat second lunch.
80. Go to awards dinner, stand in line. Get poor food from buffet, remember you spent $20 a head so your family could enjoy this magical moment with you.
81. Watch hastily-produced race video. Closely examine each frame hoping they caught a glimpse of you on the course. Be disappointed.
82. Watch age-group athletes get their awards. Wonder how many of them actually work for a living, and where you can get some of the performance enhancing drugs they appear to be on.
83. Realize that you have to go all the way up to women’s 70+ age group before you find an age-group your time would have won.
84. Listen to long, excruciatingly boring thank-you speeches from various professional athletes.
85. Stand in line to get out of awards dinner.
86. Go to Airport, stand in line. Deliver $5000 bike to Neanderthal-like baggage handler. Pray. 87. Reluctantly take finishers medal off to pass through metal detector. Proudly tell TSA personnel what you did on your weekend.
88. Get home, contemplate unpacking disgusting bicycle, decide to leave it until tomorrow.
89. Eat Bon-Bons and watch TV. Contemplate unpacking your bicycle and training again, decide to leave it until tomorrow.
90. Repeat above step for 2-10 weeks. Step on scale. Look at your fat, disgusting self in a mirror and remember you signed up for next year’s race. Unpack bike, chip mold off of seat tube. Show up at swim practice again.
91. Get ready to do it all again next year…

It couldn't have been any other way . . .

I don't really like the post I wrote yesterday. I was going to go back and delete it, but decided that I would keep it as a reminder of the messy business that writing is. I keep telling my students that they must write and rewrite and rewrite -- and that they should not wad it all up and start over. So, I will keep my lucky post and revisit it another day when my thoughts are a little clearer on the subject (if that ever happens!)

I started reading a new book last night, The Country Under My Skin, by Gioconda Belli. I picked it off the shelf at the bookstore last weekend because the title intrigued me. I feel many days that Kazakhstan has gotten under my skin and has a profound impact on who I am today. Anyway, if it weren't for the title, I probably would not have picked it up as I've never really read anything about Central America. Well, I've been sucked in. She is an incredible author with a very lyrical writing style. I am already jotting down quotes that resonate with my life. Here's the quote for today,

"But we come into the world with a ball of yarn to weave the fabric of our lives. One cannot know exactly what the tapestry will look like, but at a certain moment one can look back and say: Of Course! It couldn't have been any other way! That shiny thread, that stitching couldn't have led anywhere else!" (p. 6)

That's me. Today. I never dreamed 30 years ago when I used to come to SCTC with my father that my evenings of pretending to be a teacher would actually be realized in this very same place. It's amazing really. I'm assigning grades for my real students in the very same building where I used to do it for imaginary ones when I was a child. As I look at my background and the things that I have done over the past 20 years that I can't imagine my life any other way. I am very happy with the tapestry that has been produced thus far. And I'm super excited to see what other patterns and designs will be created with the rest of my life.

Lucky?

I've heard the word lucky alot the past few weeks. I suppose it is only natural, what with me finding out about winning the lottery and finding out that I got the job I've been wanting in the same week. But after talking with a friend last week, I started thinking again about luck. Was it really "luck" that brought all the things that keep me grinning the past few weeks?

I'm not so sure anymore. An old friend used to say to me, "the harder I work, the luckier I get." I'm starting to wonder a bit about his words. I would never have been able to get the job at SCTC if I wouldn't have gone back to school three years ago to get my masters. During those three years of long nights writing and grading papers, reading long boring scholarly articles, and designing assignments for my students there were many times when I wanted to quit. It was not easy balancing school, work, and time with my family. There were days when I was positive that I couldn't do all three. But, the hard work ethic instilled in me by my father prevailed and somehow I got through.

And then there was that job interview at SCTC last summer. I went certain that I would never be offered a job, but I thought that it would be a good experience for me to interview anyway. I never dreamed when I walked into the dean's office that within two weeks I would be working my dream job. I took a chance going to the interview -- and they took a chance on me. Was it luck -- or was it the culmination of a lot of hard work and a bit of grace on the part of the dean? I still didn't know at that time that it would turn into a permanent position. But I continued to work hard to do the best job possible for my students -- and again, that hard work payed off in a job offer last Friday.

What about the Kona lottery slot? Surely that was luck. Well, certain some luck plays into that. But I did have to enter, and I spent a lot of time thinking over my answers to the questions on the lottery form. Whether that had any impact on my selection I don't know -- but I do know that I have worked incredibly hard to get this couch potato body into good enough shape to be able to train for and complete two IMs.

And what about the spiritual aspect of all of this? I'm not sure how to answer that question anymore. The easy answers that I grew up with about God don't really satisfy me anymore. I have deep questions about my faith. That doesn't mean that I don't believe anymore, it just means that I am thinking critically about the beliefs that I hold. There was a time when I would quickly point to all my good fortunate as God's blessing in my life. But then what do I do about Jonathan's leukemia and the other difficulties we have seen over the past five years? And how do I explain the suffering that my Christian brothers and sisters deal with every day? Is that evidence that God isn't blessing them? I can't make those assumptions anymore. Instead, for now I will thank God for allowing me to work hard and for guiding me to do the things that I have done -- and not try to assign blame or causation to him. At any rate, I'm certain that this next part of my life's journey will find me searching even more reconnect with the spiritual aspect of my life.

Luck? Well, I'll take the lucky label if you have to use it -- but I'd rather be remembered for the hard work I've done and not the luck that I've sported. I know that I won't be out buying lottery tickets anytime soon. I also know that I am very fortunate and am continually grateful for the life that I have been able to live so far.

The Wind is my Friend

It's been a windy weekend. And I spent a lot of time on my bike. I decided this weekend to make friends with the wind, as it has been my nemesis for the past four years. I used to look at the weather reports and then plan my workouts around the wind -- avoiding the wind like the plague.

Now that I've decided to make my peace, I've thought of many great things about the wind.

1. When its in my face, it makes me stronger.
2. When it is to my back, it gives me a push and lets me feel what it feels like to go 26mph on the flats.
3. When it is a cross-breeze, it forces me to practice good bike handling skills.
4. And overall, it just makes me mentally tougher.

So, life is still good. My presentations in St. Paul went really well, and I got to reconnect with some friends at the conference. I realized, once again, how fortunate I am to have had the experience of going back to school in my 30s. I've met some awesome people and had some incredible experiences. And I've learned that I am good at some things.

Well, that's all for now. I need to read papers like crazy, as this is finals week and grades are due Friday. I finished My Sister's Keeper this weekend and will probably talk about that more later this week. I'll be back soon.

Call me Superstitious

Why is it that when many good things happen people start thinking something bad will happen? That's exactly how I'm feeling these days. I had an incredibly good week last week. I finished student teaching and felt great about it. The students were really good the last week and did some amazing oral presentations. Even though I was really ready to be done, I will miss those students.

I also found out last week that I'm going to Kona. Me, going to Kona. I still can't believe that I'm really going. But the tickets are bought and the condo is reserved. I've started training and watching what I eat. But I'm still in shock about the whole thing and always seem to have this silly grin on my face.

And then on Friday I found out that I got the job that I've been wanting. It is basically a continuation of the job that I had this past year, but now it is permanent. I've gone through a pretty tense month of applying and interviewing and relieved that I can finally talk to people at work again. I'm so excited to be able to stay here!

And so things have been really good for me lately. Workouts are going well and nothing hurts when I run. And yet I am so worried about Jonathan.

Maybe its his inability to sleep at night that bothers me. Or maybe it is his irratibility. Or maybe that fever that he had this past weekend. Or maybe it was the episode of House that I watched last night which was all about a boy with leukemia. Most likely it is the book that I'm reading right now -- My Sister's Keeper. Reading that book has had me on the verge of tears for most of the past two days. Her portrayals of a family battling cancer are so realistic and the feelings the characters reveal are SO TRUE. As I'm reading this book I am reminded of how much our family has been through over the past five years. I really like something one of her characters says in the book, "The human capacity for burden is like bamboo -- far more flexible than you'd ever believe at first glance" (p. 196).

I've been able to go through far more than I ever thought possible. And as time passes, the memories of the difficult times fades. I asked the kids last night what they remembered about Jonathan's cancer treatment and they remembered very little. Mostly people who helped our family out during those times. Oh, and stuffed animals that they received. I still have most of the memories, but the sting of them is gone.

But, yet recently I'm feeling as thought I'm relieving all of his cancer memories. They flood over me as I read this book or as I watch Jonathan deal with his fears. And when too many good things happen, I wonder when it will all end.

Great Workouts Today

I got home from work last night to find a 2006 Hawaii IM DVD on the counter. Apparently these get sent to lottery winners? Because I didn't order one -- I thought about it, but didn't have time to get to it yet. I'm so excited to watch it.

I've been thinking about about how IM training really becomes a lifestyle. It dictates so many of the decisions that I make. What time I wake up, what I wear during the day, what I eat, when I shower, how many showers I take, and even when I do laundry. Wow, I'm already washing workout clothes like crazy.

Today's workouts were a 35 minute ez treadmill run with 3x5 minute 6mph pace and a 2200 yard swim. Both of them went really well and I was done by 9:30. That's AM, not PM. Woohoo! It's so nice to have my mornings free again.

That's all for now. Nothing hurts, I'm feeling great, and still super excited about my Kona adventure.