Call me Superstitious

Why is it that when many good things happen people start thinking something bad will happen? That's exactly how I'm feeling these days. I had an incredibly good week last week. I finished student teaching and felt great about it. The students were really good the last week and did some amazing oral presentations. Even though I was really ready to be done, I will miss those students.

I also found out last week that I'm going to Kona. Me, going to Kona. I still can't believe that I'm really going. But the tickets are bought and the condo is reserved. I've started training and watching what I eat. But I'm still in shock about the whole thing and always seem to have this silly grin on my face.

And then on Friday I found out that I got the job that I've been wanting. It is basically a continuation of the job that I had this past year, but now it is permanent. I've gone through a pretty tense month of applying and interviewing and relieved that I can finally talk to people at work again. I'm so excited to be able to stay here!

And so things have been really good for me lately. Workouts are going well and nothing hurts when I run. And yet I am so worried about Jonathan.

Maybe its his inability to sleep at night that bothers me. Or maybe it is his irratibility. Or maybe that fever that he had this past weekend. Or maybe it was the episode of House that I watched last night which was all about a boy with leukemia. Most likely it is the book that I'm reading right now -- My Sister's Keeper. Reading that book has had me on the verge of tears for most of the past two days. Her portrayals of a family battling cancer are so realistic and the feelings the characters reveal are SO TRUE. As I'm reading this book I am reminded of how much our family has been through over the past five years. I really like something one of her characters says in the book, "The human capacity for burden is like bamboo -- far more flexible than you'd ever believe at first glance" (p. 196).

I've been able to go through far more than I ever thought possible. And as time passes, the memories of the difficult times fades. I asked the kids last night what they remembered about Jonathan's cancer treatment and they remembered very little. Mostly people who helped our family out during those times. Oh, and stuffed animals that they received. I still have most of the memories, but the sting of them is gone.

But, yet recently I'm feeling as thought I'm relieving all of his cancer memories. They flood over me as I read this book or as I watch Jonathan deal with his fears. And when too many good things happen, I wonder when it will all end.