I love novels because they help me to understand how truth can be lived out in real life. One of my favorite novelists is Susan Howatch. Her books about the Anglican Church in England have been used over and over again to give me a picture of God's love and acceptance of me.
It sometimes amazes me how I can get the truth of grace so right some days and other days I feel as though I know nothing of God's love. Last night was such a time. I went to bed thinking, "I do NOT want to blog ever again." I felt as though I had nothing to say, that I was a horrible person who did horrible things. This time I think I'm up to my nose in the shame pool.
In the light of day, I don't feel much better. There is an ache deep in my heart that just won't go away. So I picked up my journal to find some words for today. Today you will hear less from me (although I've already revealed far more than I had intended), and more from Susan Howatch.
This quote comes from a priest who is helping an man who has been deeply wounded through spiritual, emotional, and sexual abuse. He's struggling on the road to healing and frustrated with the slow process. God's agent of grace says to him:
You can try again later. It's not an all or nothing situation . . . One should think of health as a journey towards a cure, a journey punctuated by healings . . . And anyway one can argue that a complete cure is never possible because no one can be completely well in mind, body and spirit. Such perfection simply doesn't exist in this life. It's the journey towards the cure that's so vital. (The Heartbreaker, p. 462).
These words are a comfort to me today. I know that in Christ I am chosen and dearly loved. He doesn't expect me to do everything right every day. That's Room of Good Intentions living. Instead he invites me to trust him with my sin issues. I'm struggling with the trust today, but God can handle that. He invites me on an honest journey towards healing and freedom. My journey will be filled with peaks and valleys. But God knew that when he chose me, and he chose me anyway.
It sometimes amazes me how I can get the truth of grace so right some days and other days I feel as though I know nothing of God's love. Last night was such a time. I went to bed thinking, "I do NOT want to blog ever again." I felt as though I had nothing to say, that I was a horrible person who did horrible things. This time I think I'm up to my nose in the shame pool.
In the light of day, I don't feel much better. There is an ache deep in my heart that just won't go away. So I picked up my journal to find some words for today. Today you will hear less from me (although I've already revealed far more than I had intended), and more from Susan Howatch.
This quote comes from a priest who is helping an man who has been deeply wounded through spiritual, emotional, and sexual abuse. He's struggling on the road to healing and frustrated with the slow process. God's agent of grace says to him:
You can try again later. It's not an all or nothing situation . . . One should think of health as a journey towards a cure, a journey punctuated by healings . . . And anyway one can argue that a complete cure is never possible because no one can be completely well in mind, body and spirit. Such perfection simply doesn't exist in this life. It's the journey towards the cure that's so vital. (The Heartbreaker, p. 462).
These words are a comfort to me today. I know that in Christ I am chosen and dearly loved. He doesn't expect me to do everything right every day. That's Room of Good Intentions living. Instead he invites me to trust him with my sin issues. I'm struggling with the trust today, but God can handle that. He invites me on an honest journey towards healing and freedom. My journey will be filled with peaks and valleys. But God knew that when he chose me, and he chose me anyway.
2 comments:
Ahhhh, the process! The peaks and valleys are sure hard to get used to some days. I think that is where true faith kicks in; when you allow your heart to trust your head for the truth you cannot feel in the moment.
Blessed to journey alongside of you! :-)
Debi
Yes, the dreaded "P" word. Second only to the "N" word in both importance and frustration. Notice. Reflect. Surrender. Repeat. I think this sums up our process quite nicely. Thanks for giving me these words last week. I love you dear friend.
Melissa
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